October 29th, 2008

I will hurt myself before you hurt me. Its a fact. I will do what I can to beat you to it. I will push away from you when what I want is for you to pull me back. It may look like I am trying to ran away from people when I won't tell them what is wrong, but its so much more complicated and ridiculous than that. I want to be everyone's rock, and how can I ever be that if I show them I a weak? And how do I put things into words without sounding "emo"? Well right now, I am "emo." It means emotional! If anyone is never emotional, I doubt they are interesting. And yet, it is something I avoid. Also, I don't want to put my issues on other people.

I have a hard enough time with what's going on with me, and the worrying I do for you, that I don't want you to have to deal. I don't want you to have to worry any more than you already do. If you worry about me, I will worry about the fact that you are worried about me... it's retarded. I can't help but want to fix your problems. I can help but want to take your bad moods for myself. I can't like myself when I find I can't make things better. I can't make you feel better, and I can never accept that. I know it is fact, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to make things better for you.

Whatever struggle you may have, I would rather it was me.

Something good just happened. Something good for someone else, and I just got really happy. Definitely a drastic change in my mood... Point and case.

What is going on with my friends affects my mood more than it ever should, and it can't be changed. This changed mood of mine is not a blogging mood. 

Peace.