October 1st, 2008

I've decided not to write mopey things today. That's not why I started this blogspot thing. And people are never going to speak to me after reading it if all I do is whine about how hard my life is. Because actually, my life is pretty great most of the time. Like everyone, I have a past and it happens to be a dark one, but I never like it when all people talk about is how crappy their life has been and they are sure it will never get better. So I won't be doing that. What I think about it is that my life could be so much worse, considering I am worrying about being able to trust my friends. Sure, there are other issues in my life, but I am not worried about my next meal or being persecuted for my faith. 

I have been so blessed so early on with some of the most substantial relationships I have ever had, and I have not even known the people here for 2 months. Its really amazing how much the girls on my floor have accepted me and how much they care how my day is going and how I am doing in my walk with God.

I am not used to having friendships where people will suggest scripture to ease my worries rather than help distract me with perverted jokes or by handing me a bottle of whatever we could get our hands on. Knowing that the people here won't act like its okay when I screw up royally is both terrifying and empowering. I know that if I were to go down to Ball State for a weekend and party with some high school friends, they would let me know what they thought about it, but I have no doubt that they would still love me. For so long I have been hurting so badly for some reason or another, and most of my life I have used my hardships as an excuse to do whatever I wanted, without consideration for other people, or more importantly for my own relationship with Jesus. 

I am reminded daily, by the actions and words of those around me, how badly I need to trust in God. It is rare that I will take anything to God through prayer or reading scripture. I see my inadequacies in my devotion to my faith everywhere I go, but it is not a feeling of judgement.

So for today, I guess that would be a huge praise and a prayer that I would start to appreciate it more and start to dive into prayer.