What a Night.

Weirdest night at taylor yet. Hands down. So I'm up right now (4:05am) simply because two of my friends are writing papers and need something to keep them sane. I'm not really helping, but I do enjoy watching how they are acting. Imagine a 5 year old with two cokes in their system. Now tickle them... that's what's going on right now. I'm a big fan.

Besides the insanity that is currently taking place, I had a pretty full evening. My mom called me and we had a pretty good talk. She told me the things she has been working on in the house since the move and how my little sister is doing. It was really nice to talk to her for more than 10 minutes while I'm walking out to the boonies to get to my environmental science class. And it was nice that neither of us was calling to ask something from the other or remind them to do something. 

My night improved even more when I called my big sister. I think we might have had the best talk we ever have. It took me leaving and getting over myself to realize what an amazing woman she has become. Now that I am actually learning to seek God's face, it is impossible to talk to her and not be blown away with the love He has given her to share with those around her, including me, as undeserving as I am. 

I remember once at our grandparents' house when something forgettable had happened between my cousin and I and in the midst of working it out my sister said to our grandpa with tears in her eyes "I know her heart..." To me, it was not particularly powerful then, but it is now. Through all of the things I have done to her and all of the ways I could have screwed up our friendship, she loved me and continues to search my heart. 

I'm beginning to realize why she has stuck with me all this time. She looked hard enough below my rough, unpleasant exterior and strived to know my heart. She has apologized to me before for not being a good enough example and I can accept what she means, because I know she is flawed, but even when she was screwing up, she has been the best example of love I could ever hope for.

It's been a pretty jam packed night in my head tonight- working all of this out, and I should have been asleep hours ago, but its worth if for me to figure out the words while they are fresh in my mind. I don't know how to explain it to people who may not understand the level of love my sister puts into her relationships, but I see Jesus in her love. I see God in how she talks to me and how she talks about other people. And the best part is that I don't feel like I need to be just like her like I used to, when I didn't even care to understand what has become so clear to me now. My sister is such a blessing in my life. It makes me so nervous and happy to realize that the love I have for her and that which she has for me is only a fraction (if that) of the love Jesus has for her. I am so excited that someone right now is loving the people that I care about and he is loving them so much more than I can fathom. What's even more thrilling and scary for me to think about is the fact that he has that same love for me.

It's been a big night for me.