The Passage of Time

Post Number 15!

There has to be an end to all of this and that's what stinks so much. Friends will leave, new ones will come, and plenty will find a way out of my life. I could sit and cry about the fact that the happiness I now know will come to an end far too soon, but I'm not going to. Instead, I am going to try to continue the "celebration of life" that began when I first found out that one of my good friends is transferring next semester. I have not had the best attitude the last couple weeks, and I haven't physically felt the best, but I know that remembering this time is something I should do. I would hate to think back and not be able to remember a single day of my life when I got to walk 20 feet to her room and dance with her to inappropriate hip-hop through her huge speakers and subwoofer under her desk.

With her leaving, combined with my freakish planning tendencies and realizing how quickly the semester has been passing... my first instinct is to run away from my relationships before I can get hurt near as bad as I know I could. I think months and years into the future and worry what this school would be like once they are gone. I am on the fence, considering whether to cherish the time I have with them or to run now, with my heart intact. If I get out now, I can be numb. I can not analyze this. I can't overestimate time. It will pass too quickly when all I want to do is hold onto all that I have and know, and then comes the torture of having to suffer through the painful times, with those times burned into my memory.

I would like to not worry, but I know myself well enough to know that it is not possible for me. I will never stop worrying about the passage of time and what is to come with the friendships I have now. I have no idea who I will be living with next year or the the friends I will spend the most time with, and it scares me to realize how much could change. Too much is changing already, and I can't make it stop. All I can do is celebrate life and capture what memories I can.